we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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