if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
