I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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