i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
