Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
