I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
