College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
