porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He passed out mid-signature
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
