i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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