Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
