i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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