stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
