It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
