Screwed.edu
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
In America we eat man semen.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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