my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
