using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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