If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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