i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think your dad took our porno
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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