OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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