Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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