My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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