so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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