I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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