He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
