Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
