You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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