You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
