the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
