You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize