I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
