She's JV to your varsity
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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