is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!