please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dating After Heartbreak
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.