i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
