somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
