Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
