Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
