...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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