Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
