i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
