I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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