Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
