watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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