Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i believe in u and ur pee
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
