Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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