I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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