He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
