A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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