the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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