I wish I could punch you in the face.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
