So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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