what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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