But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
