His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
