i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize