I'm lost and stupid without you.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
