I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
