The maid of honor just puked.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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