I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
