I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
3pm strippers are depressing
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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