Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
