we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
