man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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