I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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