im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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